The Magic Almond

Ah, four glorious days without school! I can’t tell you how lovely that was. No fear of restraint, no fear of the phone ringing, just bliss.

Nathan was with Grandma for Monday and Tuesday. He loves being at Grandma’s, and has never had a melt there. Grandma and Grandpa are his peaceful haven. Therefore, they are mine as well! God bless them. I don’t know how I would have survived this long without them. (I am unbelievably fortunate to have wonderful in-laws.)

Wednesday wasn’t so great, at least in the morning. No full blown meltdowns, thank God. But he still struggled. But think about it. Wednesday was basically a “Monday” because it was his first day back after a long weekend. He made it through without exploding, and without being dragged out of class, and without being held down! That’s definate improvement. Perhaps not perfect, but it’s still an improvement.

The BEST news came late Wednesday afternoon! I received an email from the woman on the Autism Team that had been working with Nathan last year! She had been out on maternity leave, and has returned. YAHOOOOO!!! She was so good with Nathan, even after witnessing one of his meltdowns. She never seemed to hold any of his melt aggression against him, the way most people do. And she did so much to help him, and to improve his situation at school! She was one of my godsends last year. And she’s BACK!!!

She told me that the Autism Team was observing my son again on Wednesday. FANTASTIC!! I’ve been hoping they would get more involved. I’ve given their reports from last year to Nathan’s doctor, and the doctor was impressed with all of their ideas. His only recommendations was to elaborate on one or two points with the teacher, and expand on what the A Team had started. Not changing their ideas, but just explaining them better so the teachers will have more precise directions on how to implement what the ATeam suggested. It was very cool to have everyone in agreement – something we don’t experience very often.

I had asked for copies of the A Team’s report for this year, several times now, and have not gotten a copy of it. Very frustrating. The woman from the A Team simply asked for a fax number or my address. YAY! I’ll be getting it, in time for the doctor appointment next week!

I explained some of what we’ve been going through lately, including the frequent restraint, the chair that they have in the principal’s office (used to restrain my son) that has been nicknamed “Nathan’s Chair,” the teacher telling me that the only thing Nathan needs is consistent discipline, and the school’s denial that he has sensory issues and that his autism is not the problem here. The woman from the A Team was very empathetic, and said they would work on educating the school staff, clarify certain aspects of the IEP, and (my favorite part) discuss the dangers of prone restraint. I could have cried, I was so happy to hear this.

Thursday and Frday were terrific as far as school is concerned. What a relief!

Nathan and I have a new solemn custom. The Magic Chocolate Covered Almond.

I have this, um, addiction. It’s chocolate covered almonds. They are a passion of mine. I can’t resist them. I had been out shopping with Dh and Nathan, and they were picking up little snacky treats for themselves. They like cashews, which are not my favorite nut, and stuff like that. I spotted a can of chocolate covered almonds. As I said, I can’t resist these things, so I bought a tin. Nathan had seen me pull it out of the shopping bag when we got home, and immediately started begging for one. I reminded him that he had his own treats, and handed him his can of cashews. But he had fixated on my can of almonds, and repeatedly asked for one, with me selfishly defending my precious splurg, and saying “no.”

Well, I really wanted to give Nathan every possible chance of having a good day on Thursday. Wednesday had been a little rough, and I didn’t want it to continue over into Thursday. Plus, some kid had jumped Nathan in daycare the night before, hitting him, and he was still a bit sensitive about that. So I opened the can of almonds, making a big production out of the whole thing. I offered him “A Magic Chocolate Covered Almond. These almonds are so special, they have the power to turn any day into a good day.” Nathan’s eyes lit up like Christmas trees. He happily gobbled up his almond, and practically skipped off to school. That night, I got an email from his teacher, saying that he had had a great day. So I had to pull out the Magic Almonds again, to celebrate. Nathan was delighted. I repeated the ceremony on Friday morning, and got the same response. All hail the Magic Almond! heh heh heh

(Hey, if it puts him in a good mood, and helps him through his day, I’m all for it!) I think it’s those little gestures that make a world of difference to him. After all, most of the day he is surrounded by adults and peers that think he is naughty, weird, a bad kid, and a pain in the neck. Sometimes just knowing that there is someone out there who thinks you’re special, and deserving of magic almonds, even if it is silly, is just the thing you need to get you through the rough spots.

I’m heading out today to buy a case of Magic Almonds.

• Location:home

• Mood:hopeful
• Music:Cat Stevens, Where Do the Children Play

Good Days

I received a bunch of emails from the school this week.

First, I received a return email from Nathan’s case manager. I had received a previous email, telling me that Nathan had had a meltdown, but no real details. Nathan could give me no details at all about the incident. So I requested more details. Turns out, the case manager’s account was far different from Nathan’s recollections. She indicated that he had been throwing things at people. They were not large or dangerous, but still very inappropriate. Nathan didn’t recall throwing anything at all! He didn’t seem to be lying, but rather, he seemed to be clueless about why anyone would think he was mad! I’m not sure which is worse. He did not recall being angry, or having any kind of tantrum-like behavior. Okay, so maybe he was frustrated. But still, he usually understands that aggressive acts (such as throwing things) are basically equated with anger. It concerns me that he didn’t seem to make the connection. I don’t suspect the case manager’s account at all. In fact, her descriptions of the events made sense, where Nathan’s didn’t. It was not a full blown meltdown. At least there was no restraint. None this week at all. And, with the added details from the case manager, I now have something else to watch out for or be aware of. This differing perception has the potential to be of major importance.

Next I heard from the school principal. She sent me a written notification about Nathan’s August 29th restraint! A first! Okay, so she didn’t send the second notification yet, for the September 5th incident, but I did request it. She asked when she can call me to discuss Nathan’s work. I told her she can call me at any time, and gave her my contact info. She said that they really want Nathan to have a successful year. Yes, me too!

I heard from the new supervisor of special ed for his school. I had written her and asked how to get ahold of the Autism Team. She first wrote and told me that she had seen the list, and my son was on it, but she didn’t know when the A Team was coming. Later she wrote back and told me they hoped to stop by on Friday. Excellent news!

I received emails from Nathan’s teacher. She said Nathan had good days, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday!! YAHOO!! She also told me she is beginning to see a pattern in his behavior, where he has meltdowns on Monday and Tuesday, and “the rest of the week is enjoyable.” Wow, a teacher just referred to my son as enjoyable! And she’s noticing patterns in his behavior! And she’s working on building his trust, and encouraging his communication! Good news, good news, good news!! She has been in daily contact with us since the start of school. I didn’t think they made teachers like this. I’m starting to see some real hope here!!

I also received an email from the teacher regarding the Autism Team. They not only came on Friday, but they did Autism Sensitivity Training for the class. They met with the teacher and the para (aide). They did an evaluation, praising some of their actions, and having suggestions for improvement. They are also looking into the teacher’s observations about Nathan’s pattern of having difficulties on Monday and Tuesday, and will brainstorm about ways to ease his transition between weekends and the school week. I asked her to forward the A Team’s report to me when they gave it to her. I was really disappointed that I couldn’t be there to see the sensitivity training, and what it consisted of. Nathan wasn’t in the room either. He was with the speech therapist. Oh well. I’m thrilled they did it, and that they are helping the teacher and para. That’s a big relief. I’m hoping this helps to reduce the number of meltdowns. (Hey, I can hope, can’t I?)

The teacher is also using a visual timer now. Oh, that’s good! Nathan responds very well to visual representations of time. He loves knowing how much time is left, and he mentally prepares himself for the transition when he can see the time coming to a close. We have an hourglass egg timer at home (it’s about 3 minutes), and it has been the best thing we ever bought. Any time he whines when I try to get him to stop one thing and do another, I can flip that timer, and tell him, “okay, a few more minutes,” and when that timer runs down, he’s ready to go. It’s like a magic wand to me, lol. And far easier than a meltdown, or an hour of foot-dragging. I hope the teacher finds her timer to be just as useful.

So the week was off to a very rocky start. But in the end, it really turned around! I really like this teacher, and every time I talk to her, she seems to be working so hard to help Nathan, and so willing to listen, and very good about telling us everything. She seems to be very perceptive, and discovered early on how important it is to Nathan to have someone really take the time to listen to him. No teacher has ever figured that out before, even after I’ve tried to explain it. So Nathan is trusting her more, and starting to lose some of his defensiveness about the school. He actually LIKES school now! He said it’s “WAY better than last year!” Oh thank God!

It has gone wonderfully so far, with Nathan taking the bus. And since he looks forward to school, he is getting up easily, getting ready with more independence, and is usually out the door with plenty of time to spare! I’ve never had this before! I LIKE THIS!!! Last year, my company allowed me to change my work schedule and come in 15 minutes late every day, and make up for it with a 45 minute lunch “hour.” It was very nice of them, and I appreciated it. And I have been so delighted that I don’t have to do this anymore!! I arrive at work EARLY now! I love it! And so far, I haven’t missed any work due to meltdowns. Also excellent news.

I am feeling hopeful again.

• Mood:hopeful

• Music:Paul McCartney, Let It Be